Felt so close, but you were far away.

Now I'm speechless, over the edge ; I'm just breathless.

Hey bloggie, this few days have been still the same. I felt like a part of me is missing again and it is totally not about my ex. I'm still going strong. *I think, I hope* On wednesday night after dinner, I went out for a walk by myself around the housing area because I was feeling down and depress. I sat at the swing myself, thinking about what I've did and regret. After almost an hour out, I went back home feeling much relaxed because I thought I have think it through.

After going back home awhile, Russell finally replied my message because I texted him if he wants to come out for a jog with me because I wanted accompany. (: So after onlining for awhile, I went back out again and ran to the park because I was late and Russell was waiting. I'm so sorry. (: So when I reached, that smart guy hurt his neck from swinging. Stupid right? But sadly, I didnt get to see what happened. I bet it was funny. haha. (:

When we was there at the park, he taught me how to use his skateboard but sadly, I still suck. But hey, dont look down on me. (: At least I can stable myself above! Haha. Hmm, after awhile I think an hour? I walked him back to his house. haha! How different right? It should be him who should walk me back instead. Oh, and it took almost 8mins from his house walking back to my house if i'm not wrong. (:

Reached home, onlined and went to sleep quite late again. Next day, I went out with Simson and Shih Xuan to Hwee Ling's house. When we reached Ling's house, Ben reached too! (: So me, Xuan and Ben watched Hwee Ling and Simson do the whole thing instead of doing it together. haha. (: After that, we went for lunch at Secret Recipe nearby. And thankyou simson, I thought you'll be a gentlemen but I guess I was wrong? Hmmmph.

After that, fetched Hwee Ling to her piano teacher's house I think? (: After that, me, Simson and Xuan went to Kayu around Aman Suria for a little of yum cha because Xuan was still early for her piano. Then we talked, laughed and joke. (: After awhile, Xuan left for her Piano Lesson forgetting her piano books. haha. But she turned back to get larh of course. After Xuan left, Simson fetched me home. He stayed awhile to accompany me cause I was bored. =/

Do you guys know that I really appreciate my friendship with Simson really much? If you guys know me long enough, you would know that Simson was one of my ex. Who also became my good friend and we got closer and closer. (: We keep our secrets to one another and it is sealed and no one else would know. When any of us are depress, we would just call each other. (: Its really nice having your ex as your bestfriend.

But it takes alot of effort to have them back as friends you can trust once again in a different way! We both had ups and downs but we always forgive and forget. We argued before, we walked out on each other before and we also had memories before. But at least, I still have him as a friend even though everything didnt work out. (: Seriously, I think its the stuppidest thing losing your ex as a friend. Really childish and stupid. And Simson, for that, I appreciate! (:

After Simson left, stayed at home and start watchind Desperate Housewive's Season 2! (: But I finished it already. ==" I'm waiting for Season 3 now. Tsk Tsk. I finish it in 2days? Gawsh. Then today, made the choice to go back school. And everyone was there! Oh, and when I first reach, I was wondering where is everyone. End up, they were at the hall listening to some talks about SEX! And they repeated the word "SEX" for so many times which is disgusting. :(

Yeah. It was a not bad talk though. (: It actually makes sense about guys. haha! Then they made us write a letter for our future husband/wife making a promise not to lose our virginity till we're married. We're gonna keep it till our marriage for that special person of ours. And I dont want to talk about it anymore. haha! After that talk, went for break then went back to class. Played Uno Stacko and gambled a little with Ben and Elicia. Michy didnt want to gamble. Stupid!

Michelle was in a very good luck. How stupid right? haha! (: After that, school ended. Reached home then get some rest and watched some movie then try to sleep. But suddenly again, I broke into tears because I was missing someone to badly and he dont even realize it. Yeap, I miss Charles. Yes, I am falling for him. I admit. But seriously, I'm trying very hard for him. I just hope he'll show at least some appreciation and that is it!

I am not going to move on even though he asked me to if I cant wait. I am going to change myself on relationships. I am not going to give up easily. I am not going to do things that are not right. I am not going to cheat. I am not going to offend with no reasons. Everything! Because I've promised to god, I would change into a better person and I will. I will not break my promises. I want to change into a better person for that person I love to love me more. (:

He doesnt like me to smoke so I tried stopping and stopped. He doesnt like me swear, so I try myself to control the way I talk. I would try my best to change everything he doesnt like me to do or say. This is how much I'm trying for him. I'm putting my effort into this and hoping it would work out. I hope he could see it. He's having his SPM next tuesday already and yeah, I did got piss and all feeling like I'm just another victim.

But when I think back, I felt stupid. I do trust him but all I want just a little appreciation. Words like, "thankyou for doing this" or "I know you're trying your best for me, thankyou" or maybe a "thankyou". It would be fine already. Sighs. I've tried calling him, but it couldnt get through. When I got through, he wouldnt pick up. When I text him, i wouldnt get a reply. This is why I have been sad and depress.

Everyday, I hope things would be better but I dont know. I felt like i'm losing him each day. Therefore, I hoped he could tell me at least something. Really. I dont want to be another victim and got hurt and get over all those stupid symptoms again. Really. I had enough of this pain. This time, I did not really cry to anyone about my probs. I take it myself even though I did trying to get advices and talks but still, I am trying it by myself and I'm proud.

And currently, I'm addicted to this song's lyrics which is meaningful and it feels like what I've gone through and gonna go through in future. It goes ;

Looking back if we had one more night to spend
I would steal every second I would never let it end
Like the taste of your lips what I'd give to drink you in
I will always remember and I know that it goes with me
I will never leave this part of you behind

With you gone it plays on it's so hard to move on
I want to but I wanted you
Now you stay in my head
I'm not over you yet
I try to but I wanted you

What I miss overall is a smile I can't replace'
Cause it starts in your eyes and
It filled up all the space in my heart
I know I will always remember and
I know that it goes with me
I will never leave this part of you behind

With you gone it plays on it's so hard to move on
I want to but I wanted you
Now you stay in my head
I'm not over you yet
I try to but I wanted you

Make no mistake I'm here in this place
And I'm waiting around for you
And I can't help it Im still searching
For some way to get through

I will always remember

So yeah, I guess this would be it for my post. Oh wait, before I end I wanna ask if there's anyone who feels bored and have nothing else better to do? (: Please text and call me can? I'm totally free to talk for 24-7. I need accompany to talk to so that I can pass my time faster. Seriously, I cant go on without my phone ring at least a little. =/ Really really am desperate for someone to show some love and missings now? :(

And I am hoping very hard that my holidays to Singapore would be allowed and I hope this few days would be getting better. I've gone through suffer and pains, and I think it wouldnt be selfish to ask for happiness? At least, a little taste of happiness? Alright, I am done here. This post is too long and it was really unexpected.

END OF POST.

Pictures taken from Hwee Ling's blog. (:Simson's pretty bee? You be the judge. (:Ps, I love you.