Thanks for hurting me like this.

Dear blog, once again. I got dump. My number six ex-boyfriend. Why cant my relationship last forever. I fucking hate it. Everyone who is always there for me, don’t worry. I’ll be alright. I just don’t know what is wrong with me. I hate this. I fucking hate it. I felt lost, useless and worthless. I can’t smile, I can’t breath easily, I’m so weak, I have headache. Why does the god want to treat me like this? I can’t stop crying. I tried to shout to express my anger. But it just can’t go off. Why is it so easy for him but so hard for me to get over this? It sounds like he used me. Why do I even want to accept him at the first place? He’s the one who asked me to trust him, and now he’s dumping me. I don’t know why. If I know this would happen, I won’t have accepted him at the first place. Why do I always get hurt over relationship? Why can’t I have a serious relationship for once?! I hate my life. It sucks. I can’t get over it. Loads of my friend said he doesn’t worth my tear and he doesn’t know how to appreciate me. But I wish he will know that. But I don’t think he will. I loved him so much, and now, he’s treating me like this. How can I survive? Thanks everyone who is always there for me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He seems to take it easy. He seems like he don’t give a damn. Thousand of arrows going through my heart describe my feeling. I can’t feel my heart. It’s deeply hurt. I can feel the pain. The pain of arrows stabbing me. I wish my friends can be here with me. I need a hug badly now. I should have listen to what my friend said before I got together with him. I regret. This is the worst relationship I got. And I should stop hiding this from everyone. I cried almost everyday when I’m with him. There’s hell bunch of rumors which is fucking true to me now. He is a player. I agree. He hurt me. And I’m going to ruin he’s life. I don’t fucking care what he thinks. Thanks to he’s bestiee tan Wei lun. I really hate him. He knows I’m already hurt, and now, he’s trying to make me feel worst instead of making me feel better. Now you guys know, how mean can guys like him be. Thanks Kai Young, Yao Joe, Huan kind and my bestest Cousin Alicia who is here to comfort me. I don’t know what to say. He’s the first guy I ever love so much and trust so much. And now he’s did this to me. I don’t know how to trust guys anymore. I think mostly players are just fuck up players forever. All they want is sex and crap. I fucking hate it. They think I’m cheap or just a whore to them. But I am not at all. So please guys, stop treating me like I’m one of it. I have feelings. I ain’t an animal okay?! I am so jealous when I see my friends having a boyfriend or girlfriend so long and happily. But my relationship is never nice. I think relationship start very easily but end in a very hard way. A way that your heart is deeply hurt. I’ll blog again tomorrow or maybe later. I don’t feel like thinking about this anymore. I’m forced to agree with this. I have no idea. Maybe its part of learning in relationship as what kai young said. Maybe it is. Maybe there’s something worst that will come up in my relationship. I wonder who would be the guy I will love truthfully and who will love me for me. I think that is it. 7th of June 2007, I won’t forget. The day I got hurt the most. Thanks for hurting me deeply.

Ps, trying to get someone off your mind is harder than what you think.